Brittany Beattie. Australia’s Next Top Model. Source: Supplied

We’ve reduced the number of modules from twelve to two using a unique combination of maths

and crying.

We’ve realised we have some production budget left over for more super-slow-mo shots. If this

episode was screened in real time it would only be twenty minutes long.

We’ve collected reality show cliches like “this is my dream” and “I’ve got what it takes”, so now we have the whole set.

And we’ve given the camera guys time to learn how to do a really cool focusing trick.

Hey look there’s only one person in this competition. Source: Supplied

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m here too psych. Source: Supplied

Rumours that the finale episode is usually less interesting than other episodes are unfounded,

though. This episode is PACKED full of dramatic action.

Wheeeeeeeeeee! Source: Supplied

I mean, Brittany and Lucy get to stay in a penthouse at a casino. They get to talk to each other about how far they’ve come. They get to revel in their assigned characters of The Truck Driver and The Cute One. They get to smear their mothers’ shoulders with fluids of excitement.

Awwwwww and ew. Source: Supplied

Then, when arriving for their 8-page editorial shoot for Elle magazine, they get to express their anger at slow-moving roller doors.

They see it rollin’. They hatin’. Source: Supplied

Now, let’s not pretend that this photo shoot and every person and piece of clothing in it isn’t

completely spectacular. Let’s also not pretend that the producers don’t want to remind us at every opportunity that Brit and Lucy are competing.

In an ABBA music video re-creation competition. Source: Supplied

Elle honcho Justine Cullen lets the finalists know that she wants to see their individual styles shine through in the shoot, in identical clothes and identical hair against an identical backdrop. It’s amazing how different a pair of dungarees can look under the circumstances.

Truck Driver Dungarees Source: Supplied

The Cute One Dungarees. DIFFERENT. Source: Supplied

Both girls look incredible and pose well. Both girls get psyched out by how good the other one is.

Only one girl throws a wobbly trying to jump up and down in leopard-print and a floppy hat. Both girls show a little bit of boob.

It’s the last time Diddles & The Totz get to mentor the girls, which means it’s the last time Diddles gets to use his celebrated Furrowed Brow Of Encouragement.

Botox is Kryptonite for Diddles. Source: Supplied

It’s almost sad how hard it is to pick a winner this close to the end. Let’s get excited with a finale day and some charismatic hands instead!

Finaleeeeee! You’ve come so far. Source: Supplied

But that’s not enough. Brittany and Lucy will be walking a runway in a barn with all the fashionably-eliminated contestants!

But that’s not enough. The guest judge for the finale is TYRA FREAKIN’ BANKS, Y’ALL.

I AM READY TO SAY Y’ALL A LOT, Y’ALL Source: Supplied

The reaction from the collected modules is... well, it’s the last time they get to do this:

OH MY POIGNANT AND NOSTALGIC GOD Source: Supplied

Banksy sprinkles hackneyed Americanisms throughout the barn, including the classic “I got on a

plane, mmm-hmmm, I dunno how damn long, cause we are down up under the world right here”, which I think is a direct quote from 66th Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice?

After briefly impersonating Brit and Lucy as a southern rapper and French four-year-old respectively, Banksy has a motherly one-on-one with the finalists in comfy chairs. It’s a bit like Look How Far

We’ve Come: The Oprah Edition.

Journey, y’all. Source: Supplied

Suddenly there’s a mass of boobs on stage, introducing the onset of catwalk.

So many boobs. Source: Supplied

Led by Brit and Lucy, all 12 contestants walk the runway (or “walk” in Ayieda’s case), with Banksy shouting out random body parts as they pass her by.

The cheek bone’s connected to the smize bone, y’all. Source: Supplied

The outstandingly beautiful Elle cover shots are viewed and discussed, with each judge giving their opinion and throwing out the Cool Girl/Cute Girl dichotomy a few more times. With the winner announcement imminent, Tyra Banks starts talking. And talking.

Hour one Source: Supplied

Hour thirty-six. Source: Supplied

Finally, after an odd mention of concealed razors and cutting people, Banksy confirms that there is nothing the world loves more than a hot truck driver.

(Hot). Source: Supplied

Wait, I mean:

YESSSSSSS. Source: Supplied

Congratulations, Brittany! You really put the ‘win’ in ‘twin engine excavator’.

I had to Google that.