In retail, it is especially important to look busy. It is a busy industry, and none of us went into retail because we wanted to sit behind a desk all day. We went into retail to be kept busy.

People who are not busy are regarded as being lazy. You can only keep yourself busy if you have lots of work to do. This means that you must not delegate.

You must keep the work to yourself because if you delegate, you may not have enough work to keep yourself busy – and then you could be fired because you are no longer needed.

You have delegated too successfully, and in the process you have given your job away. You have effectively shot yourself in the foot.

You must work long hours even if there is not enough work to do. You must be seen to be flat out working your butt off. There simply are not enough hours in the day for you, so you need to put in a lot of extra effort – which will not go unnoticed at review time.

You must send emails late at night. When you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, make a detour via your study. Send an email to your boss and copy as many senior people as you can.

This will be highly regarded and will eventually be reflected in your pay packet. Don’t forget Sundays and public holidays – especially Christmas Day. And when you are on leave, send out frequent emails and text messages. You can prepare these in advance and simply diarise which ones to send out when.

Never be seen to think. Thinking is only for people who are not busy. Thinking is reserved for lazy people who are not doing things. Chastise any of your staff when you catch them thinking. This is not their role. Thinking is reserved for top management and the strategy department.

If you are in the strategy department, never be seen to be busy. You are in the one area where it is good to be seen not to be busy. Gaze up at the ceiling as much as possible.

People will think you are strategising and this will impress them. Do not nod of – people can tell whether you are sleeping or strategising.

Do not think about anything – that may provoke a reaction that you don’t want to be seen. For example, do not allow yourself any erotic thoughts. This is a dead giveaway.

Never go to lunch or take a break during the day. Never phone your partner or answer personal emails. Never research anything online.

The IT department are onto these things and will send a report to your boss. And, of course, never look for jobs online while at work.

Follow these simple rules and you will do well. You will climb the corporate ladder faster than any of your peers – even though you may not be nearly as competent as they are.

And if you don’t believe me, please contact me or leave a comment below and I will tell you about some real live examples of the success enjoyed by those who have followed these simple rules.

Stuart Bennie is a retail consultant at Impact Retailing www.impactretailing.com.au and can be contacted at [email protected] or 0414 631 702.