Antony Morell is up for the challenge of Tough Mother. Source: Supplied

Well if mums can convince their husbands or partners to sign up for Tough Mother this weekend, they might get that in advance of next weekend’s bunch of flowers.

The brainchild of Melbourne mum Alice Morell, the Tough Mother challenge calls on dads to step into a typical mum’s shoes for 48 hours and get through a series of domestic obstacles designed to highlight just how challenging being the primary carer of little ones can be.

That means everything from staying at home for five hours straight, to changing all the bed linen to having to take the kids to a toyshop to buy a gift for another child. “It’s likely the kids will have a meltdown and the dad will have to deal with the public meltdown,” Morell points out. “Then you have to be ready for sex at 10pm on Sunday night after a really gruelling weekend with the kids.”

But more than just giving mums a break, Morell says the essence of Tough Mother is about building empathy for mums who are the primary caregivers. “I surveyed 100 mums and asked, ‘What is your biggest grumble?’ and about 80 per cent said ‘Lack of empathy, support and understanding from my partner’,” she says. “It was a pretty clear sign that this is an issue and the best way to build empathy in someone is to put them in someone else’s shoes.”

Morell argues that while fathers are more actively involved in family life than ever before, it’s impossible to understand the intense challenges of being a primary caregiver until you’ve lived and breathed it. “Tough Mother is not suggesting that dads don’t have their own pressures at work — let’s not make this a competition between mums and dads or a battle of the genders,” she says. “It’s an acknowledgment that motherhood, or being the primary caregiver, has some unique attributes — like zero pay, 24/7 hours and minimal recognition — that don’t exist in the world of paid work. It’s a role that needs to be experienced to be understood.”

Alice Morell is the woman behind Tough Mother. Source: Supplied

Larissa Lewis, a Melbourne mum of two, asked her husband Nick to give it a go a couple of years ago and says it was insightful for both of them. She applauds Nick for being an incredible support and a wonderful father, but says he had his eyes opened to how intensive motherhood can be.

“When I’d gone away in the past, I’d planned all the meals and mapped everything out for him,” she explains. “This time he had to wing it. He realised that when we chill and read the paper on the weekend, I have a list in my head, not only for the weekend, but for the next week.”

So what’s the dads’ take?

You could hardly blame dads — whether they’re the primary breadwinner or actively involved in domestic life — for feeling a bit put-out by the Tough Mother concept.

Naturally Morell put her husband Antony up to the challenge, and he says that while men might be tempted to argue that they contribute equally, but differently, to the house, it’s worth giving it a go. “I think the point is, ‘Let’s know what each other’s worlds are like in order to discuss how to best manage our shared life’,’ he says. “I found the time juggling intensive, running from here to there and doing the washing, unpacking the dishwasher, going to the shops and getting to ballet with the hair done in a way that wouldn’t get a complaint from the ballet teacher.”

Antony says he is now conscious of not being demanding of Alice. “It’s made me much more easygoing around the house — I’ve turned the expectations down,” he says. “If I don’t like the way something is being done, rather than commenting, I’ll just do it.”

But Clint Greagen, a father of four who writes the Reservoir Dad blog, says Tough Mother plays into old-fashioned stereotypes. “The underlying assumption is that being at home is a female role and that going to work is a male role,” he says. “I don’t really think it’s representative of how things are. There are millions of households doing things differently now and most men who see their wives struggling will not be sitting with their feet up eating chips in the middle of the chaos.”

As for the final sex challenge, Greagen baulks. “Women have sex drives as well and actually LIKE sex,” he points out.

Reservoir Dad Clint Greagen has some serious concerns about Tough Mother. Source: Supplied

Greagen says a “Tough Talk Challenge” might have more potential to help mums who feel like their husbands are dropping the ball. “Those men could spend 48 hours with their wives learning how to communicate effectively,” he suggests. “Just like a lot of women like sex, a lot of men simply want to be more involved with the children and their unique domestic life.”