Ashley Martin with her son Zinn, who she delivered at home under traumatic circumstances. Picture: www.kensieleephotography.com Source: Supplied

After being declared “low risk” when pregnant with her fifth child, she went ahead with her plans for a home birth in her Texas house.

“Zinn was number five for me, my second home birth,” she told news.com.au.

“I went into my home birth wanting that picture perfect birth — just like all the other home birth photos showed. I really thought I was doing the best thing for my baby.

“I was told that it was safe. I was told and taught to ‘trust birth’, ‘trust your body’, and ‘your body can’t grow a baby too big!’

“I also had a midwife present (CPM/LM certified through my state of Texas), an assistant to my midwife (a nurse), and a student apprentice in the midwifery program at my birth,” she explains.

But after Zinn developed shoulder dystocia, a condition which occurs when the baby’s shoulder gets stuck behind the mother’s pubic bone after delivery of the head, Mrs Martin found that “when things go wrong, it goes downhill REALLY quickly.”

“It was awful. Horrifying. Scary. Traumatic. Worst day of my life is a huge understatement,” she writes in a candid blog post on her site, Mom to Five.

A terrifying home birth saw Ashley Martin’s son Zinn in NICU. Source: Supplied

Mrs Martin is not alone in her desire to want a home birth. In the US, where she resides, home births are slowly but surely becoming more common. New data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that the rate of home births increased from 1.26 per cent in 2011 to 1.36 per cent in 2012. In Australia, although home births represent only 0.9 per cent of total births, our latest lot of data shows that they increased by 56 per cent in one year.

The problem, according to Mrs Martin and many like her, is that when home births do not ‘go to plan’ the consequenses can be drastic. It’s these consequences that prompted Mrs Martin to share her story on her blog to raise awareness, but once she did, the attention she received was overwhelming.

“I am a little bit stunned and shocked that my story of my home birth has taken off like this,” she says. “My inbox is being flooded with messages from other mothers who have had traumatic home births and hospital births. I have said this over and over: Traumatic births can happen in any setting. It is reality. We cannot just ignore or delete the traumatic home birth stories.”

Here, she shares her experience with news.com.au, in the hope of making home births safer if women still choose to have one.

“I want to make it clear that I am not anti homebirth,” she says. “I’m just for SAFER homebirth, and what we have right now in the USA is not safe.”

Zinn in hospital. Source: Supplied

MY TRUE FEELINGS REGARDING MY HOME BIRTH

It has taken me over a year to fully understand my home birth experience. Zinn is now 16 months — walking and running — babbling — typical toddler! I’ve had a lot of time to just sit down and think about my birth. The biggest part was finally getting my medical records from my pregnancy, labour, and birth with him. That was the missing link in my healing process. It took me months to get them — complete with melt downs, tears, emails, house visits, phone calls — but I got them.

I am NOT happy with how my home birth went. It was awful. Horrifying. Scary. Traumatic. Worst day of my life is a huge understatement.

My baby almost died. I almost died.

I did not walk away from my birth feeling like a ‘birth warrior’. Multiple people at my birth kept calling me that. I did not walk away feeling empowered or womanly. No one at my birth was a hero. I was not brave.

I was misled, lied too, and manipulated. Informed consent? Hah. I wish.

I left my birth feeling broken, beaten down, cheated. I felt like no one there really cared about the most important thing: my child’s safety and wellbeing.

I went into my home birth wanting that picture perfect birth — just like all the other home birth photos showed. I wanted to be that pretty momma — laughing during labour — sitting in the pool looking glamorous and happy. I really thought I was doing the best thing for my baby. I was told that it was safe. That I was low-risk. Nothing bad could happen because we TRUST birth. And if something was to come up, we would know about it hours before — plenty of time to get to the hospital! I did everything right!

1. Have a home birth! Check!

2. Go to the chiropractor! Check!

3. Hire a doula! Check!

4. Eat healthy. Take herbal supplements. Check!

5. Do Spinning Babies every day. Check!

6. TRUST BIRTH! Check!

Ashley and Zinn. Picture: www.kensieleephotography.com Source: Supplied

I had concerns the last month that were brushed off. I was told and taught to ‘trust birth’, ‘trust your body’, and ‘your body can’t grow a baby too big!’.

My labour was rough. I cried through most of it. Might have screamed and yelled some. I can’t remember. I remember the pain of the contractions and how I just wanted it to be over with.

My baby was born in the brow presentation and he also had shoulder dystocia. It was not a pretty birth. It was not glamorous. My bathroom floor was flooded with meconium stained water and baby poop. My baby was born lifeless and limp. It took them almost 9 minutes to get him out of me. During all of this — I had NO idea what was going on. I had no idea he was stuck and that this was an emergency. No one was monitoring my vitals or his. No one was trained for this type of emergency. FUNDAL PRESSURE was used on me. 911 was not called until he was a minute old. The first thing that was said, “There is no heart beat, I don’t hear a heart beat.” Then the next thing was, “Listen HARDER!”

He was taken from my bathroom into the ambulance when he was 6 minutes old. Weak pulse, still limp and lifeless, still not breathing. I didn’t know how he was until several hours later.

Yes, my son is okay today. He’s a fireball. A burst of crazy energy. Drives us insane but always has us laughing. No, I will not continue to think everything went okay and no, I will not just ‘get over it’.

But just because my son is okay, does NOT mean that my home birth was okay. Or that anyone at my birth was a hero. No one saved my baby. No one saved his life. They only RISKED his life.

Mrs Martin says that ‘just becuase my son is okay does not mean my home birth was okay.’ Picture: www.kensieleephotography.com Source: Supplied

My biggest regret in life? Being at home for birth. There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank my lucky stars for him being here.

You may see those laughing mamas in labour at home — all those smiles at their home birth — but when things go wrong, it goes downhill REALLY quickly. You might be ‘low risk’ one second and ‘high risk’ the next second. And that oxygen tank? It won’t get you very far. You are not just ‘down the hall’ from an operating room. You don’t have a neonatologist in the next room. You honestly don’t have anyone qualified for an emergency next to you.

I have nightmares about my birth. I think about it constantly. It consumes me. It has changed who I am as a person. I was told that my ‘weak pelvic floor’ caused everything to go south during my labour. Now I’m left with the added guilt of my own body causing his horrific birth. I saw the ugly side of birth. I was part of an ugly statistic that someone has to be.

“Brow presentation is the least common of all foetal presentations and the incidence varies from 1 in 500 deliveries to 1 in 1400 deliveries.”

“The incidence of shoulder dystocia is generally reported to be between 0.5 % and 1.5% with scattered reports listing values both higher and lower.”

We shouldn’t trust birth, we should respect it. I am constantly having to remind myself that my body did NOT fail me. My body is okay. Birth is just about luck — making sure all the stars align perfectly.

Ashley Martin’s five gorgeous children. Picture: www.kensieleephotography.com Source: Supplied

I wanted a fairy tale, picture perfect birth. I invested thousands of dollars into it — along with hundreds and hundreds of dollars into a photographer — and I walked away feeling like a failure. When trying to reach out to other moms, I get told to stop fear mongering or using scare tactics. I get banned or shunned in a community that I used to believe in and fight for. I won’t stop talking or warning others though. I don’t want another person to make the same mistake I did.

I almost had that fairy tale birth ... But I didn’t ... Instead we landed ourselves in the NICU surrounded by amazing doctors and nurses and staff. These were the people that picked up the pieces of my birth. They cared about his wellbeing and health. They were the ones by his side 24 hours a day. They were the ones comforting ME and letting me CRY on their shoulders. They are the true heroes here.

I do not want to be the poster girl for home birth. Please don’t make the same mistake I did.

More: amartin030.blogspot.com