Birthday, weddings, farewell dinners, fundraisers. At certain milestones in our lives, we need to eat en masse. But why is it that when 10 or more people get together at a large table, they immediately revert to kindergarten status? They get excited, they get loud, they spill things. The table becomes their world, without a thought for the impact it may have on others. The big table is the big bully of the dining-room playground.

But that's not my main issue with group dining. The thing is, I can't taste my food. It just becomes … food. There is so much going on around me, my brain is diverted from my palate, leaving my taste buds on their own. It's like eating in front of the television, something automatic. A betrayal of everything I hold dear.

Also, while I am distracted, the serving staff have swooped in and filled my glass 23 times without me realising I am not still on that first modest 150ml.

Then there is always one person who comes late, forcing everyone to wait for them to arrive before they can order. Suddenly an hour has gone by, all the bread rolls have disappeared, and we still haven't had the speeches. Pity the poor kitchen, which then has to feed the entire group in 20 minutes.