Q: Recently at a restaurant, I was looking at the menu and was struck by how, for the sake of inclusiveness, they included vegetarian options. But when I go to a vegetarian restaurant, there are no carnivore options! Am I being a tad insensitive?

C.S., CARLTON, VIC

A: You're not being a tad insensitive, you're just a tad unaware of a basic tenet of food eating: whatever cuisine is written on the outside of a restaurant tends to have a direct correlation to whatever food is being served on the inside. For example, if you see "Chinese cuisine" written outside a restaurant, there's a very good chance that they will serve Chinese cuisine on the inside (except in Australia during the 1970s when they also served steak and chips, but everyone knew they served that; it was written on the outside in larger letters than "Chinese cuisine").

So if a restaurant says "vegetarian cuisine" on the outside, you would expect to get only vegetarian cuisine on the inside. You would not be going there for meat, poultry, seafood, or anything that has a face, not even a Bubble O'Bill ice-cream. You also seem to be a tad unaware of another basic tenet of food eating: most meat-eaters are happy to eat vegetables now and then, ideally cooked in duck fat or stuffed up the backside of a boar. But most vegetarians are committed to eating nothing but vegetables; they are prepared to suffer so that animals don't.

So because of these two basic food eating tenets, you should never expect carnivore options in a vegetarian restaurant – although if you're really craving something meaty, why not order a platter of spirulina blue-green algae. But make sure you ask for it medium-rare. Chefs hate cooking it well done.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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