Q: I think our society is obsessed with sex. The pressure to look sexually attractive, same sex relationships, sexual abuse, assault and harassment, controversy about contraception and abortion, infidelity, sex-ed in schools, worries about porn, or STIs … it seems to be everywhere you look. I think I must be a freak. I am not sexually attracted to anyone, of any gender, or body type. I have had deep friendships, bordering on what I suppose is love, but I have absolutely no inclination to become physically intimate with people. Is there something wrong with me?

A: The short answer is no. As you observe, our society can give the impression that you must have a robust sex drive in order to be healthy, but sex is really not compulsory. People have varying levels of libido. Some experience low libido at certain times in their lives, such as when breastfeeding, when depressed or on medication, and in old age. We are all on a sexual spectrum of desire. At one extreme are so-called "sex addicts". At the other, are asexual people (or "aces") who do not experience sexual attraction at all. This is simply one way to be normal.

What all human beings actually crave and need is connection, relationship, love, and positive validation from other humans. Asexuality only becomes a problem when it impacts on our ability to connect authentically, with others.

I spoke to Josh Muller, who is a psychologist specialising in gender and sexuality, working with LGBTQIA+ clients at the Mind Equality Centre in North Fitzroy (mindaustralia.org.au). He says, "Asexual people are normal, they are not broken. Often the issues asexual clients and I work on are about discrimination and erasure, or relationship dynamics."