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A young anorexia survivor is writing a book about her experience with the illness to help others.
Elle Irvine from Dorrigo developed anorexia nervosa at the age of 13.
In 2013 she won the ABC's youth storytelling competition Heywire where she first opened up about her battle with anorexia.
"Prior to doing Heywire I really didn't feel like my voice was worth anything, I didn't feel I had the power to change anything," she said.
Ms Irvine, now 26, still battles the illness but is now medically stable with her weight restored.
She said she was motivated to release a second edition of her book Immeasurable — a smaller edition was self-published in 2015 — to provide an honest portrait of the disease.
"Most of the awareness about eating disorders comes from media and it is very weight and number-centred," she said.
"It doesn't tell the torturous journey that an eating disorder encompasses and it doesn't give you an idea of why people develop eating disorders. I want to change that."
Complex illness
Medical experts are quick to point out that no one factor causes anorexia nervosa. But Ms Irvine believed childhood sexual abuse by a family friend compounded by a violent rape by a stranger when she was 13 may have contributed to the illness.
"I kept both of these traumas a secret out of a misguided attempt to 'tough it out'," she said.
"I thought I could deal with it all myself and not have to ask for help from anyone. My head was so busy and angry and when I cut down my food my head just went quiet.
"I felt hopeless and starving myself gave me a purpose."
Ms Irvine said while eating disorders were often attributed to 'vanity' or 'fitting in' the cause of the illness was more complex.
"For me it was based in self-hatred and wanting to have control of my life," she said.
Elle's recovery
Ms Irvine first sought treatment at age 15 after encouragement from a school teacher.
"While I improved, I was not overly honest with my treatment team about my traumas and so unfortunately it did not last," she said.
"My life really started to turn around when I met my psychiatrists Jane and Malcolm in 2012 … they worked hard to build trust and for the first time I was able to divulge the details of the trauma I had suffered.
"They have saved my life literally and metaphorically time and time again."
Her treatment has included shock and trauma therapy, magnetic stimulation, and forced nasogastric feeding, which is liquid nutrition fed through a nasal tube into the stomach.
Ms Irvine no longer needs nasogastric feeding, but is still in treatment.
She advises parents of children with eating disorders to get help immediately.
"Read up on the warning signs and be aware of the way your children talk about themselves and others' bodies," she said.
"It is far, far better to overreact than under react when seeking help.
"Offer your child your support and make sure they know that you love them and believe in them regardless of their physical appearance.
"And don't give up — sometimes it is quick, sometimes it is not, but everyone has hope for recovery if they have the right support."
Her future
Ms Irvine is currently studying nursing in Brisbane while she completes her book Immeasurable.
The book will feature collaborative photographs with sufferers of anorexia as well as a statement from them.
"I don't edit what participants write, except to tell them they cannot use numbers [weights or calories]," she said.
"It is pretty raw."
This entry is from Stacy in Immeasurable.
"I like storms. They let me know that even the sky screams sometimes. So it isn't just me. I was so positive despite the situation I was in back in August 2014. Some things are different now, and some things are the same. The 21 years (then of disordered eating) hasn't stopped, BUT the 12 years of laxative abuse has. At my current state I have to take laxatives and the tremors are awful. I've now had 10 bowel operations and I can't hope and pray enough that the one in 2018 is the final. A permanent stoma and ileostomy (3rd and final) as well as a rectum removal. This is all because of an eating disorder which led to laxative abuse. Laxatives have ruined my life, as has my eating disorder. I say this, but somewhere deep inside of me I cannot let it ruin me. I have to get that fight to live back. I cannot eat for 12 months... I am on continuous nasogastric feeds. I say I have done this to myself, but I didn't really. It wasn't by choice. I didn't choose to be sick. But it keeps getting drummed into my head by the medical profession that I did. I go to emergency and they refer to me as the girl who lost her bowel to laxative abuse. They treat me like scum, because it's a mental illness and they look at it as a form of self harm.
Immeasurable should be out by the end of the year.
Topics: health, diseases-and-disorders, eating-disorders, visual-art, fine-art-photography, dorrigo-2453
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