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When we are dealing with rape, is forgiveness a moral possibility?
Or is it an outrage — a blasphemy against all that is good, which can never be forgiven?
Thordis Elva has met and forgiven her rapist. But the story of the Icelandic author — who co-wrote the book South of Forgiveness with the Australian man who raped her, Tom Stranger — has taken a further twist.
A petition was this week launched against their appearance at the 2017 Women of the World festival in London.
Its authors argue that the event should be cancelled because, "In its current format, the event will see a rapist given a platform to talk about the rape he committed, where his narrative will unavoidably be given equal weight to that of the survivor's."
They continue: "By giving the rapist in question a platform to relay their narrative, the event will inevitably encourage the normalisation of sexual violence instead of focusing on accountability and [the] root causes of this violence."
Forgiveness is not morally cheap
Of course we should sympathise with that view. As Elva's story shows — as if it needed saying — rape is both a devastating crime and a crime which human cultures frequently fail to take with due seriousness.
For example, when Stanford student Brock Turner was sentenced in 2016 to just six months' jail time for raping a woman, his father remarked it was "a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action".
This much we know: rapists think they can get away with it, and often they do. What's more, it isn't just criminal psychopaths who rape. 'Ordinary' men do, too.
Who wants to hear the voice of a rapist, particularly one who has never been arrested or tried in a court? Who wants to give him a microphone so that he might appear charming and reasonable?
But the protesters miss something extraordinary about Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger's book. They fail to see that forgiveness is not morally cheap.
Forgiveness is not the same as saying, 'No worries, it doesn't matter'. When we forgive someone, at the same time we pass judgement on them.
There's a huge difference between true forgiveness and a permissive pardon. Forgiveness takes the perpetrator of a hurtful act with seriousness. It says, definitely and clearly, "That was wrong".
That's what we hear in Elva and Stranger's story. Both of them — and this is crucial — tell the harrowing story of Elva's rape. And neither of them falls into the trap of smoothing it over.
The victim does not try to justify the rapist's behaviour. She does not let him off — she confronts him with his evil. He also tells the sickening story without denial or excuse.
He is able to do so because Elva invites him. Her act of allowing him to speak — so as to confess and ask for forgiveness — is an act of recognising his broken and feeble humanity.
It is the complete opposite of his act in raping, and thus dehumanising, her.
An act of grace: something undeserved, but freely given
Elva says something striking as she breaks the news to her father that she will be meeting with Stranger. (Her father is opposed to the meeting.)
She says, "If you reduce me to victim and him to perpetrator, I can see how this seems incomprehensible to you. But we're much more than that, Dad."
It's an act of what theologians call 'grace' — something undeserved, but freely given.
Grace is one of the most creative and explosive forces we have as human beings. To offer space for her rapist to confess, and to offer him forgiveness, has been a powerfully liberating force for both Stranger and Elva.
We find in their story that Stranger's awful act was a curse — not just on Elva, but on him.
By extending forgiveness to him —not because anyone forced her to, but because she freely chose to — Elva broke the curse and incited a rehabilitation in their humanity.
Of course, and as Elva has stressed, this isn't a path every victim should or can take.
Demanding that a victim forgive their perpetrator cannot result in true forgiveness; it does not heal. If anything, it makes the wound deeper.
But it would be a great shame to censor her story, as the protesters are trying to do. The story of forgiveness is the story of the refusal of a victim to demonise her attacker. She humanised him.
And with that, she both held him responsible for his evil and found herself released from its grasp.
If this story brings up issues for you, there are people you can talk to. 1800 RESPECT deals with sexual assault. If you don't want to talk, you can access their website. You can also talk to Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 or access their website.
Michael Jensen is the rector of St Mark's Darling Point and the author of the book, Is Forgiveness Really Free?
Topics: sexual-offences, feminism, non-fiction, theology, women, iceland, australia