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Nationally acclaimed singer-songwriter Melody Pool has revealed she will be stepping back from her music career after battling crippling depression and anxiety.
The 25-year-old from Kurri Kurri, New South Wales, whose voice has been compared to those of Leonard Cohen and Joni Mitchell, said the pressures of the industry weighed on her at a fragile time in her life.
Pool told Australian Story she needed the break to put her mental health before her burgeoning career, a decision industry insiders said came just as her star was on the rise and she was poised for international success.
"If I'm going to have a panic attack before every show, why would I go overseas and just do the same thing?" Pool said.
"I'm going to do what is best for my health because I've put that off for too long and it's not going to get better by ignoring it.
"I don't even know how long it will be, it might be two months and I'll miss it. It might be a year [but] I'll be happy."
Mental health organisation Beyond Blue states suicide is the biggest killer of young Australians. Anxiety affects one in six young Australians and depression affects one in 16.
"It's a horrific feeling," Pool said.
"It's not only feeling sad and not wanting to exist, it's also feeling really guilty for the things that you can't do, for not being able to function like a normal human being."
Pool 'takes back her power' as depression lingers
It took several years before Pool's condition was diagnosed but with the benefit of hindsight, her friend singer-songwriter Ella Hooper said the trigger lay in heartbreak.
"Her stakes were so high because she was uncomfortable in some part of herself so when you get a letdown like that it's more devastating and it lasts longer," Hooper said.
Pool met fellow musician Harry Hookey at the Tamworth Country Music Festival five years ago and soon fell in love.
But the relationship turned sour when Pool discovered he had been seeing someone else.
"I was quite distressed and distraught but also quite defiant and angry. I wanted my power back," Pool said.
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Lyrics she scribbled on a notepad after the break-up would go on to earn her the 2012 Tamworth Telstra Road to Discovery Songwriter of the Year award.
The emotional ballad, titled Henry, paints a picture of the mistrust Pool felt after her relationship with Hookey failed.
News Limited music critic Iain Shedden said Pool's performance was mature beyond her years.
"You get these moments as a critic or as a fan even when you hear something and you realise there's something extraordinary going on and that's definitely the impression I got by Melody straight away," he said.
Despite interest from music critics and record companies following the Discovery win, Pool still struggled emotionally.
"I was writing a lot, trying to figure myself out. It was very cathartic, but I was completely, completely consumed by it," Pool said.
"It was almost as if like I was in a glass bubble and people were talking to me and I could hear them and I could hear what they were saying but it wasn't sinking in."
Hooper said that while Pool was well-versed in putting on a happy face, her true feelings and darkest demons were evident in her songs.
"She's so intrepid and it's odd because that hasn't always matched with the image of Mel as somebody with anxiety or depression," she said.
When Pool first sought medical help, she was told to "stop being a drama queen".
It was only when friends encouraged her to see their GP that Pool was finally diagnosed with depression and treated with anti-depressants.
Music industry 'puts a lot of pressure on her'
Pool's father, country musician Alby Pool, said she was finding the expectations of her record company and tour commitments difficult as a result of the depression and anxiety.
"It is a brutal industry," he said.
"It's a lot of pressure on her and I don't know if she's in the right frame of mind to handle a lot of pressure at this time.
"She's always seemed so happy but she'd had this mask that she'd acquired from somewhere and she hid it from us, mainly to stop us from worrying."
Pool admitted that despite being booked for festivals and support slots for international acts such as The Eagles and Rodriguez, she still struggled to feel comfortable as a musician.
"I have hated and loathed my body until now," Pool said.
"It's been so blown out of the proportion that it could have been because of being in the music industry and being in the public eye."
Since being on medication, Pool has met up again with Hookey as friends.
"Instantly I could tell something had changed," Hookey said.
"The bitterness had gone… I can't explain the relief of having that reconnection."
Pool said she is working on her mental health day-by-day.
"I'm going to take some time off from music and it might be nice to sort of figure out who I am without it," she said.
Pool plans to start her break in mid- March after she fulfils her current touring commitments, including supporting Don Henley.
"There's no cure for depression … But bad days now I can realise that I'm going to be okay."
Watch Australian Story's 'Unchained Melody' 8pm on ABC TV and ABC iview.
Topics: music, country, depression, relationships, mental-health, kurri-kurri-2327, tamworth-2340, melbourne-3000
First posted