IT’S the most hyped fashion show in the world.
The annual Victoria’s Secret parade arrives every year to showcase some of the hottest bodies on the planet wearing the most ridiculous ensembles.
Coverage of the extravaganza usually begins with the ‘angels’ backstage wearing their signature pink silk robes that make it look like they’re about to engage in some adorable girlie pillow fight in a boxing ring:
There’s always a stack of backstage selfies taken by the dames in the makeup chair.
And one begins to wonder whether air-kissing is part of their contract.
But the real fun begins when the ladies have to keep a straight face while strutting the catwalk in some of the most bonkers outfits you’ve ever seen. Seriously, if you wore some of these looks to a dress-up party people would be all like “whoa, Tracey, are you feeling OK? Maybe go home for a lie down.â€
And this year was no different. In fact, it’s like they ratcheted the crazy up to 11 — it’s what it would be like if Willy Wonka had turned his hand to lingerie instead of sweets.
You begin to wonder if the organisers know that us mere mortals enjoy looking at some of the most beautiful people in the world trying to walk in vertigo-inducing heels and maintain their cool while wearing some of the most bat-s**t insane outfits ever conceived.
This year’s parade is something like a Baz Luhrmann production on an acid trip.
While a runway show is traditionally about showcasing looks that you hope people will rush out to buy and wear, The Victoria’s Secret Show has morphed into more of a spectacle.
It’s a mere branding exercise for the label — they don’t really expect anyone is going to hotfoot it to the shops to purchase an ensemble that makes them look like an unhinged sexy Aztec warrior.
So without further ado, let us begin our highlights reel with poor Irina Shayk. Not only was her awkward moment with then-boyfriend Bradley Cooper at the tennis beamed around the world earlier this year, the Victoria’s Secret stylists dressed her up as some kind of saucy Inspector Gadget.
The poor lass below seems genuinely to be in shock. She’s been sent down the runway with a massive reflective dreamcatcher on her back and she has no idea what she’s done to deserve this treatment.
This is what it looks like if you get drunk, take all your clothes off, and then run full pelt into a Chinese New Year parade.
Some people describe depression as “walking around with a black cloud over your headâ€. I’ll just leave this picture of Sara Sampaio here.
In this shot, Kendall Jenner looks like she is taking part in the Tribute Parade in the Hunger Games.
Adriana Lima drew the short straw this year and had to wear the ultimate hotchpotch look. It seems as if the designers had some materials left over and at the last minute someone said ‘WE’RE SHORT OF A LOOK FOR LIMA, GRAB A HOT GLUE GUN AND THROW IT ALL TOGETHER’.
And what is that on her hips. Some kind of beige vinyl gun holster situation? Colour us confused.
Imagine your flamboyant aunty Irene got a bit tired and emotional on Christmas Day and took her pants off after lunch. This is what that might look like.
Remember when you were a kid and your mum put bows in your hair and you always wanted a big shiny perfectly formed bow that the other kids would be jealous of? This girl’s mum really outdid herself.
Please imagine for a moment that you went to a dressmaker and said ‘I’d like a rain coat. I want it to be swamp green, so short that you can see my butt and while you’re at it, cut most of the front portion out so you can see my boobs. That should keep the rain off me’.
And last but not least, we have Gigi Hadid who looks like she has been caught up in some kind of fishing net. She’s like sexy bycatch.