Cover shoot for moneysaver with David Koch and daughter Brianna.

Parents want to ensure they are financially secure to enjoy their retirement and longer life, while their adult kids want their inheritance early to help them buy a home and fund their own lifestyle.

It’s a battle which can lead to envy and acrimony within families and relationships.

It even creates friction in our relationship. One of us takes the view that it’s our money, we’ve worked for it and it has to last longer as we live longer … so forget the kids. While the other believes it’s tougher for Gen X and Y to get ahead and we should help financially.

You can decide which one of us holds which view.

The reality is all parents want what’s best for their children.

According to a REST Industry Super survey, 72 per cent of members over 50 plan to use part of their superannuation to help their adult children.

A study of more than 1,700 Australians commissioned by finder.com.au found that 86 per cent of parents provide financial help to their adult children. Lending money and cash handouts were the most popular ways they contributed financially.

But … and this is a big BUT … parents can’t put themselves at financial risk of destroying their financial security.

We’ve seen too many people financially ruined after backing their children in businesses or going guarantor for a loan and losing everything.

So here are five ways that you can help your kids get what they want without sacrificing your own retirement goals and financial security.

Make teaching kids about money a priority.Source:istock

1. Educate them

Teaching your kids about money should be a priority, particularly when they’re young.

Instilling good saving habits early on is the best financial gift you can give them, and they’ll thank you when the time comes to start saving for a home deposit.

Pocket money is a great way to teach your kids valuable lessons about saving and the value of money. Give them incentive by matching their savings dollar-for-dollar when getting them started and encourage them to set financial goals.

2. Go guarantor

This means putting the equity in your house up as security for your child’s home loan … it’s easy but can be fraught with danger.

Financial planner and director of Financial Spectrum, Brenton Tong, says that solid rules must be put in place to reduce the risk if you choose adopt this approach.

“As soon as their debt has been reduced, and their property has gained sufficient value, they have to refinance you out. If they fall behind in repayments, they must sell rather than tapping you for more money,” he says.

Also limit the guarantee to a particular dollar amount. Never ever give an unconditional or unlimited guarantee.

Unless you’re willing to part with the money for good, it’s best not to lend them money.Source:Getty Images

3. Buy with them

This option can either make or break your relationship with your child, so tread carefully when considering it.

Don’t do it because they want a pricier property. “They need to learn to compromise and live within their means,” says Brenton Tong.

Ideally you should help them with the deposit only, that way you won’t get stuck with mortgage repayments if things go pear-shaped. Your child will be on the property ladder and, over time, you’ll both hopefully walk away with equity when the property value increases.

Make sure you are on the title deeds but not on their mortgage.

4. Lend them money through a third party

Unless you’re willing to part with the money for good, it’s best not to lend them money privately. To avoid putting a strain on your relationship have a third party, like an accountant or solicitor, administer the loan on your behalf.

This puts clear rules in place for repayments and takes the pressure off you both … safer for you, safer for your relationship.

5. Tell them to toughen up

A controversial alternative for some, but one that one of us stands by … tell your kids that they have to suck it up and go it on their own.

It’s never been easier to borrow money in today’s economy and interest rates are at record lows. As parents, we paid 17 per cent interest, went without the flashy cars or gadgets and put overseas travel to the side until we built a stable financial foundation for ourselves.

And there are plenty of millennials doing it the same way … it can be done.

Sometimes, making sure your kids know there isn’t any help coming can be the greatest help.