State of Origin referee Gerard Sutton at home with wife Julie and children Jess, 13, Lawson, 4, Charlotte, 18 months, and Alex, 14. Picture: Justin Lloyd

“This ref sucks. I need to find out where he lives. His family needs to die,” the social media message read.

It was Good Friday last year and she had only caught the tail end of the NRL match between the Bulldogs and the Rabbitohs, when her husband, referee Gerard Sutton, made a controversial call in the final minute, handing the match to Souths.

Julie and Gerard Sutton at home with daughter Charlotte. Picture: Justin LloydSource:News Corp Australia

Two days later, the Suttons were in church to celebrate Easter Sunday when two men in the pew behind them started up.

“What about Friday’s game?” one asked. “Shame about the Bulldogs. Bloody refs,” the other replied. “Lucky we’re in church,” the first guy added, in a sinister tone.

Julie says it’s a measure of her husband that, in the part of the service when parishioners offer each other good wishes, Gerard turned to the men, shook their hands and said “Peace be with you”.

“That game last year was probably the most controversial for Gerard,” Julie says.

“I love that Gerard’s a referee and that he does it with such passion. But one thing I hate is when people blame the ref for something that clearly isn’t his fault, just to deflect a poor performance ...

“People don’t realise this guy they’re abusing has a family, he has a wife and kids and this is his livelihood. He’s not going to risk his job or credibility to favour a team; that’s just ridiculous.”

Julie is speaking out just weeks after Blues coach Laurie Daley called for Sutton to be sacked following the first State of Origin match of the season — which Queensland won. Despite Daley’s plea, Gerard and fellow ref Ben Cummins have been appointed to referee the second match.

Julie says her husband is able to ignore the commentary — but she can’t.

“He only feels bad if he’s made a mistake,” she says. “But if it’s just sledging, it doesn’t faze him as long as he knows he’s done a good job. And he was happy with his calls after the first game.

“But I was devastated by Daley’s remarks. That’s my husband and I’m proud of him. I don’t want people saying these things about him, especially when it’s unfounded.”

Sutton, comes from a long line of referees. His grandfather and father both worked regional NSW games. One brother, Chris, is also in the NRL’s referee squad, and the other, Bernard, is in the “bunker” — the hi-tech facility where decisions are reviewed — often covering the same game as Gerard.

Gerard Sutton in action during State of Origin 1. Picture: Mark EvansSource:News Corp Australia

Julie says her role is to create a stress-free environment at home on game days.

“On the morning of a big game he’ll be quiet but normal family life goes on. It’s
a bit hard for it not to with little kids running around. I’ll make sure there’s time during the day when he can have a sleep.

“We don’t need to tiptoe around him but we are very aware it’s a big game day ...

“The games are mentally draining for him, as well as physically.”

Stats show an NRL ref makes an average of 419 critical decisions each match, and runs 8.5km.

The pair’s younger children — Lawson, 4, and Charlotte, 1 — are too little to understand the pressure their dad faces. But the older two — Jess, 13, and Alex, 14, from Julie’s first marriage — are aware their stepdad can sometimes become the state’s most controversial person.

“The week after a big game, we don’t buy papers, we don’t look on social media — it’s like a media ban because we don’t want to invite the negativity into the home,” Julie says. “But we know kids can say things at school and, while the older two haven’t been the focus of anything negative yet, we have prepared them.

“We’ve said if anyone says anything bad about Gerard, they should say ‘Sorry you feel that way,’ and walk away.”