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‘A brown paper bag full of cinematic wet waste’ ... Logan Miller (Carter), Tye Sheridan (Ben) and Joey Morgan as Augie in a confrontation. Picture: Jaimie Trueblood / Paramount Pictures via AP
SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE (MA15+)
Director: Christopher Landon (Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones)
Starring: Tye Sheridan, Logan Miller, Joey Morgan, Sarah Dumont.
Rating: 1/5
Infectious in all the wrong ways
IMAGINE Shaun Of the Dead, only with a packet of no-name American teen noodles in the lead roles, and jokes so laugh-resistant they could cover the planet in tumbleweeds.
Welcome, then, to Scouts Guide To the Zombie Apocalypse, a brown paper bag full of cinematic wet waste, flung at the screen for your viewing pleasure.
Sit down the back and make sure none of it gets on you, or you’ll be showering for days to make the smell go away.
Zombies have been staggering around popular culture for a long time now. More importantly, they have never, ever gone out of fashion.
This appears to have given the makers of Scouts Guide the wrong impression, particularly when it comes to observing basic quality-control protocols. (No apostrophes in the title for these rebels. In your face, grammar!)
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Therefore Scouts Guide lazily cracks open a case of expired gross-out gags we’ve all suffered through before. Then merely adds a zombie angle to make that ick really stick.
Zombies with incurable diarrhoea, stripper zombies, zombies suffering from morbid obesity, zombies with anorexia ... the list goes on and on.
Actually, to be fair, the zombies that take selfies have a certain something going for them. But the zombie cat lady, the zombie sex offender and their ilk do not.
Expired gross-out gags aplenty ... Sarah Dumont as Denise, Tye Sheridan (Ben) and Logan Miller (Carter) in a scene from the movie. Picture: Paramount PicturesSource:Supplied
Same goes for the non-zom idiots in the movie: all of them sweaty, desperate young males (sample dialogue: “junior year is when all girls become sluts!â€) whose fears of a future overrun by the undead run a distant second to their fear of dying a virgin.