Next year’s Bachelorette.

But first we have to watch Alex pretending to play chess.

He totally doesn’t know the rules.Source:Channel 10

Osher finally shakes up this snoozefest and sends the boys off on a group date at a carnival where they have to play fair games to win time with Sam.

Unfortunately, Davey’s manager at General Pants let him take his Saturday shift off to go.

No.Source:Channel 10

Davey’s a twerp from the get go in this episode and Sam really takes note.

He spends the whole morning making noises with his mouth and pinching the other boy’s bottoms while they try enjoy the carnival fun.

He thinks he’s being cute but Sam’s not loving the cockiness.

In the game where they have to hit the thing with the hammer and make the thing hit the thing, Michael and Sasha are the only boys not strong enough to succeed.

A scientific strength test.Source:Channel 10

I don’t know what Sasha’s problem is, but obviously Michael’s elite soccer career didn’t include much strength and conditioning training. He’s been walking right past the weight racks and opting for some light toning exercises that he picked up in a Goop newsletter.

After a series of sad challenges like tug of war, Dave’s crowned the winner and scores private time with Sam in a dark tent.

Up until now, Dave’s been a frontrunner in this game. But this date changes everything.

They both enjoy themselves and Sam has a good time. Dave says nice things about

her. But he doesn’t get a kiss.

He totally wants to pash, but he says there “wasn’t an opportunity” because there’s so much space keeping them apart (there’s not even a couch cushion separating them).

Someone get Dave some binoculars.Source:Channel 10

Sam’s been pretty confident with laying on the kisses to the guys she’s into. If she wanted the kiss, girlfriend would have made it happen. But she doesn’t.

It seems Dave has landed himself in “nice guy” territory. He’s totally lovely but there’s no chemistry between them. They end the date with a hug.

Leaving the circus, we’re thrown forward about a hundred years for Sam and Richie’s private date.

They basically spend hours having the skin of raw chickens applied to their bodies and then put on clothes that look like they smell and all of a sudden they’re 80. Then it’s off to bingo!

Older than a VHS tape.Source:Channel 10

Like all old people, they hit a bin with their Pulsar as they pull out of the driveway and drive to a bingo hall at 30km/h without realising their left indicator is on the whole time.

‘Are we outside?’Source:Channel 10

This whole date is creepy but still a little sweet. Both submit to it and let themselves enjoy it.

And like most people over 75, they love proving to everyone they can still get some.

Skanks.Source:Channel 10

Who knew bingo was such a hotbed of action.

While Sam goes to the bathroom, 80-year-old Richie gets hit on by this broad:

Some girls have no boundaries.Source:Channel 10

All the old ladies are going nuts for Richie. Things get so crazy he actually has to throw Sam’s body at them to keep them away.

‘Get back!’Source:Channel 10

Swapping their pensioner cards for a gallon of makeup remover, Sam and Richie are back to normal and on the couch flirting with each other. Things are getting romantic.

This is interrupted when a giant TV screen descends from the ceiling and Richie’s mum appears like Britney at the Grammys when she can’t make it because she’s on tour so she just Skypes in.

‘Hey ya’ll it’s Britney’.Source:Channel 10

Richie’s sister is also there, and they spend three minutes gushing over him and showing bad photos from the family archive.

Chatting to Richie’s mum was a total turn on and they decide to pash immediately after. Richie also scores a rose stub.

‘Are they watching?’Source:Channel 10

Sam’s deliriously happy about her day with Richie and starts talking about how she can see herself growing old with him. She says she’s “certainly very smitten” and it seems we have a new frontrunner.

But despite this giddiness, Sam’s still annoyed with Davey and his consistent childish behaviour. The carnival challenge was the final straw.

At the cocktail party, she pulls him aside and gives him some real talk.

She puts it to him straight: 95 per cent of the time he’s a wang and 5 per cent of the time he’s half decent. So if they were together, could he switch those percentages?

“I can’t change your decision or what you think about me,” he begins half-heartedly.

Queen ruling from her throne.Source:Channel 10

“All I can do is be the best person that I try and be. You have to do what you have to do and ... I don’t know how to say this to you ... I can’t bullshit to you in this situation but I’m here for all the right reasons ... yeah. So.”

He kinda cries. It’s unconvincing.

And with that, Osher walks into the living room and informs the other boys that Sam has given Davey the flick early and both have left the party.

The rose ceremony is cancelled. And Davey is returned to a gross nightclub in Manly.

For more talk on this episode of The Bachelorette, download and subscribe to the podcast: The Heckle.

For more observations about Pulsars and broads, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir.

james.weir@news.com.au