Em Rusciano answers your parenting dilemmas.

Note: I am the opposite of a parenting expert. I’m the person who usually seeks out the kids at adult gatherings and then encourages them to be total dickheads.

Before you dive in, shall we all agree to put our helper ears on and leave our judgmental pants off? Pants off is SO much better anyway you guys.

Jo writes:

Dear Em and Mother Bear,

I caught my 8 year old swearing and saying vulgar things in texts to her friend. I have now removed phone out of said daughters possession. I should mentioned it is my old phone without a SIM card. It is what she plays all her pony/ unicorn/ dragon games on at home on Wi-Fi. I was feeling guilty during the holidays for working and thought it would be great to text her.

Bam I see her being silly with her friend. She was totally embarrassed. I’ve deleted it and pointed out other people can read it and who might see it.

Geez what a wake up call. I too have a potty mouth when speaking to friends if I think it is funny. Daughter is usually hard on us at home if we say anything even slightly derogatory. I feel I do not know my daughter and I am deeply disappointed with her. I can’t even tell her father for fear of his wrath. Has this happened in your house? And what would you reaction be?

Jo.

Maybe you should just text together, like this happy mum and daughter from a stock photo. Totally realistic, right?Source:Getty Images

OK, is anyone else totally obsessed with what her daughter actually wrote?! That’s wrong isn’t it? Sorry. I can’t help it.

So here is my response to Jo.

Darling Jo,

It’s hard figuring out that our kids have a double life, isn’t it? Our children act one way with us and a totally different way with their mates. My teenage daughter sometimes gives me one words answers or grunts things that are meant to sound like words. Then I will hear her on the phone with her pal being charming, witty and downright hilarious. I’m talking hundreds of words strung together!

So if it were me? I’d start by apologise for losing it at her. I’d sit down and calmly talk about the things she wrote and what they mean. I’d also ask her why she did it and how she learned those words and phrases. Although I would also be prepared to hear some uncomfortable home truths. If she says she has heard you saying those things, well, it may be time to strap it up at home for a while. If it’s from someone else, then you’re off the hook! I love shifting the blame when it comes to stuffing up as a parent!

I also think that if you make it a big deal she will see it as taboo and want to keep doing it. Let her know that you’re disappointed but also let her know that you love her and finding those messages doesn’t change that. I bet she’s more embarrassed than anything.

Get it out in the open with your husband too. Have a pre game chat with him, go in together all calm like and make sure you listen to her. Shame is a hard thing for little kids to get over. You don’t want this to lead to her hiding the big stuff from you because she’s afraid of your reaction.

I’m pretty sure texting rude words isn’t a slippery slope to becoming a sex pest. When I was eight I wrote the word “F**k” on my Mum’s dining table with Mr Sheen. I don’t know what possessed me but I do remember how satisfying it was watching the continuous stream of fluffy cleaning fluid write such a forbidden word.

I was in a trance so didn’t hear my Mum, who of course saw it. She was horrified that I even knew such a word, and wouldn’t let me rub it off until Dad got home so that he may witness my foul graffiti. This was pre picture messaging, obviously. The evidence could not be touched until viewed in person!

The foamy white expletive sat there for hours, on display, on the “good table”. When Dad got home I vividly recall him having to look away because he was laughing so hard.

Just know, It’s going to be OK, try not to be too hard on yourself. I bet you’re doing your bloody best. I think it also helps to remember what it was like to be a little kid trying out new words and experiences. You were her once! I’d just maybe look at setting some boundaries with the phone. If all else fails get her an old Nokia flip phone! Do you remember how hard it was to text on those things? Kids today don’t appreciate the struggle of texting using the multi-tap method. Typing something offensive will just take her too damn long and tire her little fingers out.

Problem solved!

You’re welcome.

Your Pal,

Em.

P.S. Don’t feel guilty about going to work over the holidays, it serves no one and it also means your family can eat and you know, live. WORK WITHOUT GUILT LADY!