Q: While driving, my wife and I occasionally pick up McDonald’s. But when I ask her if she wants a meal, she says, “No, I’ll just have some of yours” – then eats most of my chips. Should I order more chips, even though it will upset her? M.G., Breakfast Point, NSW

A: You’re lucky to live in Breakfast Point. I hear it’s a delectable suburb with bacon-strip avenues, fried-egg houses and a maple syrup waterfront where kids paddle around in inflatable Froot Loops rings. Of course, I know it’s not all idyllic: there’s an unpleasant neighbourhood around Rhubarb Compote Hill, but if you avoid the Stodgy Porridge Drive turn-off, apparently you’re fine.

As wonderful as living in Breakfast Point must be, you do have to leave the place for lunch and dinner. So I’m guessing that’s why you’re driving to McDonald’s and buying meals for yourself and your beloved wife, the shameless “No, I’ll just have some of yours” Junk Food Thief.

Junk Food Thieves are frustrating people to dine with: they’ll steal your chips, eat your last slice of pizza, take “a tiny bite” of your doughnut, unhinging their jaws like a python. And they do this so they can enjoy guilt-free, high-calorie gorging, somehow convincing themselves that if they didn’t actually order the food, it didn’t exist and they never ate it.