As our first flight with children, I’d read the tips and taken advice from seasoned travellers. I thought I was prepared. I was wrong.

With a, let’s say, “exuberant” toddler, I canvassed a friend.

“Maybe she’ll be excited about the plane,” I suggested hopefully. A look of panic crossed her face, which I pretended to ignore. “Just remember it will end,” she said solemnly.

“No matter how bad the journey is, it will be over.”

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With with her words of warning ringing in my ears, we set off.

MISTAKE 1 & 2: NOT LETTING HER RUN AND FILLING HER WITH SUGAR

Our first setback came when the plane was unexpectedly delayed at the gate. We were forced to sit and wait … and wait.

Clearly we should have let our toddler run around the lounge and burn off some energy.

Instead, we left her in the buggy and cracked out the Chupa Chups: a short-term fix that would have dire long-term consequences.

MISTAKE 3: NOT TAKING ENOUGH FOOD

My amateur error was not taking 367 spare meals with me. When friends said “take lots of snacks” I thought that meant some chips and sultanas, not enough meals for a footy team.

After two hours we finally boarded, way past lunchtime. A hungry and tired daughter proceeded to have her first meltdown at the DOOR OF THE PLANE. I am trying to forget the look of horror on the other passengers’ faces as she lay on the floor screaming.

So it was fabulous that the airline then lost the meal for my by now starving, and high-on-lollipops daughter, insisting I hadn’t ordered a child’s meal and then revealing they’d given it to another person by mistake. Terrific.

MISTAKE 4: BREAKING THE HEADPHONES

Peppa Pig on the iPad helped, and would have been even better had my stressed out partner not snapped the brand new headphones, but it didn’t stop her melting down for five hours straight.

I wish I was exaggerating. I kept looking at the “minutes to destination” ticker and realising it was 60 seconds later.

Eventually she passed out. The baby, meanwhile, was no problem, although going to the aircraft loo with a Baby Bjorn is not on my list of fun leisure activities.

MISTAKE 5: TAKING THE PRAM TO THE GATE

We’d booked a Singapore stopover, which was probably our only good idea and had been impressed that the airline promised our stroller back at the gate. What they didn’t say was every single other person would have disembarked and we’d be still waiting for the damn thing.

MISTAKE 6: HAVING ALL THE BABY FOOD IN ONE (LOST) CASE

Finally, after making it through Customs, with two shattered children (a bonus to being last is all the queues have gone), we went to collect our luggage only to discover they’d lost our suitcase: the one with all the children’s clothes, nappies and baby food in, naturally.

Luckily, Singapore is a giant shopping centre, so things were easily replaced. We congratulated ourselves on not booking a mini-break in Vietnam.

After a restful few days (our daughter managing to lock herself in the bedroom of our five star hotel meaning we had to call security was a minor blip) we vowed the second leg would be much smoother, and now I had enough food to start a market stall.

MISTAKE 7: LEAVING YOUR PASSPORTS IN THE CAB

There were no delays this time, apart from the one hour of hysterical panic when we got to check-in, only to realise our passports were sailing around Singapore on the back seat of the taxi. One of my finer moments.

Thanks to the super-efficient ground staff, we tracked them down in time.

MISTAKE 8: NOT RECONFIRMING THE BASSINET

The second flight wasn’t quite as bad as the first, not counting the fact we didn’t get a bassinet and were squashed into the second row, with the baby forced to “sleep” on my lap.

For 13-and-a-half hours.

Attempting to stand and shush her to sleep with my head jammed against the luggage compartment, I very much appreciated the disgusted look sent my way from the older gentleman a row behind.

MISTAKE 9: TAKING RUBBISH ACTIVITIES

Despite having a bag full of activities, they didn’t quite cut it. I had favourite books, new books, stickers and colouring. But they provided a total of about 14 minutes entertainment, so back to Peppa it was.

Finally, as my sage friend had promised, it was over.

And then the jet lag began …